Running in the Dark

I have been up here in New England now for over seven years (wow!) and that's been long enough to get used to a lot of this region's quirks, but one thing I struggle with every year is November. As a life-long decidedly-not-a-morning-person, I used to always look forward to the time change in the fall. It always fell the weekend before Halloween, and in college that meant an extra hour of revelry at the Cedar Springs block party in Dallas - an extra hour of cocktails and an extra hour of drag queens gliding down the middle of an urban street in the most fabulous frocks you could possibly imagine. And the extra hour of sleep! For years I have been capable of convincing myself that it really felt an hour later for days, if not weeks, after the time change.

New England changed all of that.

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday, but the three years while I was in law school were entirely different. In those years November descended on me like black veil. By that time each fall semester I had slogged through a few months of classes, but in the great law school tradition there had not, at that point, been any measures of my progress. They don't believe in quizzes or assignments in law school - it's all or nothing come finals time. So, by November (particularly in my first year), the uncertainty and stress would always begin to weigh heavily. Each year, the hammer truly descended on Thanksgiving weekend. For those three years, what had been my favorite holiday became a dreadful gateway to a month-long carnival of horrors that was cramming for finals. I hated law school for ruining that for me.

Law school ended, of course, and Thanksgiving was returned to me. What I have learned since then and what I didn't recognize back then, was that as long as I live in New England that November will be hard for me. I have (for the most part) gotten used to the snow and the many months of cold, but with that fall time change the darkness descends far too early for me. Sitting in my office at 3:30 and watching the day turn dusky out my window fills me with no end of glumness.

I have resolved that this year will be different. I have been training all summer and have made enormous strides in learning to love training and the energy it gives me. Nonetheless, I am still very capable of spending an entire day at my desk talking myself out of going out on my run at the end of the day and driving home with the headlights on is possibly the least helpful thing I can imagine for the cause. So, today I left work and headed straight for the running store - $35 for a reflective vest and a blinky snap band. Directly home, right into the running clothes, vest, blinky, and headlamp on, and out the door (the dogs were not happy). And I ran intervals in the dark. And it was great. Running there in my own little pool of light, the darkness makes everything seem quieter. I could tune in to the sound of my breath and focus on making my footfall quiet and quick. I returned home feeling better than I had felt all day.

Maybe I'll get November back yet.

Don't Blog for a Year and a Half and Look What Happens!

Probably no one is reading this blog anymore, so it seems like the perfect time to give it another stab. Since I last wrote I have left the public defender office and gone into private practice. I continue to represent the indigent accused, and still love that work, but it's nice too to branch out.

So too with the blog. I'll continue to write about work, no doubt, but I expect I'll be musing about my theater things and my newer endeavors in training - running, biking, and something resembling swimming. So, stay tuned folks - anyone foolish enough to be checking this blog still may yet be rewarded and if I stick with it perhaps I'll step up the horn-tooting.

Recommended Viewing

A week ago, I caught PBS's Frontline episode, "When Kids Get Life"" It should be required viewing for all PDs (and probably all defense attorneys generally). The episode tracks the stories of five young men, each convicted of murder in Colorado and sentenced to life in prison without parole. The cases ranged from clear guilt, with no mitigation (beyond age, of course), to at least one case in which it seems clear, in my mind at least, that the kid is innocent of murder entirely. All are equally disturbing in the picture they paint of the fundamental unfairness of sending kids to prison for life.

Defense attorneys will be (or should be) particularly alarmed by the boys' descriptions of their legal representation. Ineffective just isn't the right word to describe representation some of them received -- witnesses were not called, mitigation evidence was not presented, clear conflicts of interest went unchecked. It seems as though if the death penalty is not on the table, the justice system is just content to treat these cases as ordinary, and they clearly are not.

Frontline also did an excellent discussion of felony murder. The experts addressed both the general unfairness of the rule, but also the brought out the exaggerated impact it has on youthful offenders who are more likely than adults to engage in reckless group behavior that could lead to deadly consequences triggering that old common law dinosaur.

So, go, and watch it now! you can watch it online anytime.

We won!

Not a trial, silly. My bowling team, Red Stryke (derived from the name of the softball team on which we all play - Red Scare. It was suggested that because we were all very bad bowlers that we should tone down the rhetoric and call ourselves the Pink Startle, but that idea never got off the ground), won our ladies' bowling league last night. We play in a 100% handicap league, so I feel a little like a fraud given that our handicaps were HUGE, but we did win the two games we needed to win even without the handicap. I have waited my whole life to be able to say to people, "I can't, it's my bowling night," but I had no idea it would feel this good. I was easily the youngest in the league and it lived up to all my fantasies, replete with big hair-dos, tacky bowling ball bags, and women named Marge and Flo. But those ladies were nice and my team rocks, handicap or no.

My storied past

Gideon welcomed me into the blawgosphere with a reference to the late great Hartford bar, the RooBar. Alas, my online moniker is a reference to the mascot of my undergraduate college where I actually served as mascot, donning the large, fuzzy, smelly costume, replete with pouch, even in the toughest Texas heat. I still regret that I only did it one year, if only because I could have received a letter jacket -- and what former band nerd ever does that?

nonetheless, as I was googling myself (because all of you know you do it too), I learned that there really is a roo-bar:

roo-bar
noun

(Austral)
1. colloq
A strong metal bar or grid fitted to the front of a vehicle as protection in case of collision with a kangaroo or other animal. Also called (E Afr) rhino bar or (Brit) bull bar.

Which still leaves me to wonder, why the hell would anybody name a bar that?

My Public Defender Hit List!

I'm kind of an itunes junkie,and I was recently inspired to create a public defender mix. Here are the results:

Rehab by Amy Winehouse - The first line goes like this, "They tried to make me go to rehab, I say no, no, no!" Need I say more?


Against th' Law by Billy Bragg and Wilco

Love Is Stronger than Justice by Sting - though in retrospect I should have used "I Hung My Head."


Shakedown on 9th Street by Ryan Adams - "I was just gonna hit him, but I'm gonna kill him now."

Misguided Angel by Cowboy Junkies - The other side of the coin

King of the Road by Rufus Wainwright and Teddy Thompson (but the old Roger Miller version is just fine too) - My tip of the hat to the many clients we pick up from the local rooming house and the VA

Blackjack by Ray Charles

Fairy Tale of New York by The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl - A Christmas tune to warm the hearts of all who find themselves in the drunk tank on Christmas Eve

Take 'em Away by Old Crow Medicine Show - Actually this song is just about being poor, but you don't get to be my client by being rich, you know

Wacky Tobacky by NRBQ - self-explanatory

Too Drunk to Fuck by Nouvelle Vogue - Funny how men who would never otherwise admit to impotence suddenly become so eager to tell the world about their drunken flacidity in the face of an accusation

Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk by Rufus Wainwright - Ah, addiction! It's what keeps us in business

Women's Prison by Loretta Lynn - Just simply, awesome

Best of All Possible Worlds by the Little Willies

Folsom Prison Blues by Johnny Cash - Rounding out my jail trilogy

Tell It To Me by Old Crow Medicine Show - There's a lot of singing about cocaine in this song

Miss Otis Regrets by Ella Fitzgerald - Ok, Miss Otis would never be my client becuse I'm sure Miss Otis would be all fixed up by her mobster attorney, though since she offed the big crime boss maybe she would be left destitute leaving me to ride in and save the day

Bar Exam by the Derailers - Ok, this has nothing to do with representing the indigent, but it is about getting drunk and making bad puns and I like that shit

Burning Down the House by The Talking Heads - In honor of my client who burned down the hippy pagan church

Hit me with other suggestions if you like. I've already thought of one I forgot Stolen Car by Bruce Springsteen (but I also like Patty Griffin's version that really just makes you want to slit your wrists) Edited 4/13/07

Ok, I'll Play

123TexasPublicDefender hypothesized her juvenile criminal record. Like her, my record would be fairly tame:

Minor in possession of alcohol
Public Intoxication
Possession Class D
Distribution Class D (under the pass the joint theory)
Trespass
Annoying Phone Calls (who isn't just one bad break-up away from this?)
OUI (ever tried to catch a cab in Houston?)

None of those instances were terribly egregious, and all were committed in an environment in which I could be fairly sure that my punishment would not come at the hands of the state. I often thought when I was in District Court that there was very little distinction between my own behavior as a kid and a young adult and that of many of my clients.

Yelled at by the judge!

There's a judge here in the district court who is known to be moody, but very liberal with defendants. For the most part, he limits his outbursts to the scolding and general education of the stammering newbie ADAs that churn through the revolving door of our local DA's office like so many salmon swimming upstream. But occasionally he barks at a defense attorney and this week it was me. I was in the trial session and the judge held my trial over until 10:30 to see if the court could get through a couple of short bench trials before empaneling a jury. At 10:30 I look into the courtroom and one of the bench trials is still going on. I didn't go into the courtroom and interrupt, of course, but when I came back a moment later (and by came back, I mean walked back ten feet from the defense bar office) the judge had already begun empaneling for another trial. I asked another attorney if my case had been called and she said no. Nonetheless, after empaneling, the judge sees me and immediately begins dressing me down and when I said that I had been present in the courtroom at 10:30, he then excoriated me for -- get this -- not interrupting the court to alert them to my presence. So, the moral of the story is that you are to patiently wait for the clerk to call your case, unless you are not supposed to do that and are instead supposed to dance a jig to get the court's attention. I suppose it's better than being yelled at because you are doing a poor job representing your client, but I actually work very hard to not be that lawyer - the one the court is always looking for and whose clients are always asking other defense attorneys for advice because their attorney is late. At the end of the day, I was able to comfort myself with the fact that the judge handed out at least two NGs and I think mine would have been a third if it had been reached.

Giving it another go

Ok, so I really like the idea of blogging, but the fact is that I have never been a good journaler. But work is slow and home life is very good but uneventful, so I guess I'm bored. Such is the life of the post-law school/pre-children phase of life.

I've been a dedicated reader of numerous pd blogs and have often thought to myself, hey, I could do that. And so I will try. Having now stripped my profile of all personal information that would make it possible to identify exactly where I work (you know, that client confidentiality thing), I guess I should (re)start with a little blurb about my thoughts on my job:

1) I love it. It is the only legal job I know of in which I can be in the courtroom trying cases, arguing motions, and directly interacting with clients while only two years out of law school;

2) I like the vast majority of my clients. Of course, I don't have to like my clients to want to defend them vigorously, but it helps to have few good eggs to counterbalance those who might be somewhat lacking in the usual social skills;

3) I am extremely dedicated to my job, my clients, and the ideals that drive most pds to do what they do. I have not, however, drunk the kool-aide. Part of the reason I have hesitated to give my blog over to the pd cause, is my fear that I would look like a slacker cynic compared to the many starry-eyed, fresh-out-of-law school types who are out there blogging these days about the pd life. The fact is, I live in a small town and it can be disturbing to know what is going on just around the corner from my home and I just can't relate to the big-city pd assumption that all cops are bad --because, you know, they're my cops too. I guess I would say that this is where I am on the spectrum - I believe that person that wrote the screed to her clients on Craigslist should probably quit, but I also think the attorney who wrote a post I read on a pd message group recently, in which she blamed her client's decision to stab his previous court-appointed attorney on the fact that the judge would not allow a continuance, might have a tragically skewed perspective.

4) I may quit this job if crystal meth ever gains a significant toe-hold in New England.

Ok, I guess that's a start. Check back here for random thoughts on crime and punishment, automaton DAs, stupid drug laws and stupider mandatory minimums, with the occasional rant about the Astros or music or theater review thrown in.